Issues within the nanny / family relationship
Sometimes there are issues between families and nannies and in this blog I want to help you with some of the most common ones. But before I get into that, I would like to take you back to the very beginning of the nanny / family relationship: the interview and contract.
Nanny interview
Interviewing a nanny is your opportunity to work out if they’re a good fit for your family. The way to do this is to run through your expectations and the way you see the relationship working at this very early stage. For example, if you want your child to eat every day at 5pm without fail and that’s a ‘deal breaker’, make that very clear and see what your nanny’s reaction is to that request. And if you’re in any doubt, continue to ask questions which will help you make up your mind one way or the other.
The same goes for nannies too. As well as being interviewed for potential employment, this is your chance to assess whether this is a family you could work with and in some cases, live with if you’re a live-in nanny.
And then make sure you have a detailed contract. Be specific, be clear and be as comprehensive as possible so that both parties are in no doubt as to the role of nanny and the role of employer. I can help with contracts and wording so don’t feel you have to struggle on alone.
Regardless of how well an interview goes, issues still crop up (we’re all only human!) so here are some of the common issues between nannies and families, and how to resolve them.
Troubleshooting issues between nannies and families
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The role changes
I don’t mean that you go from being a nanny to being asked to become a gardener! What I mean is that your job description or your job duties change; a family’s expectations of you shift leading to some confusion, possibly disagreement and, often, resentment.
As parents, if you want to change your nanny’s role then it must be discussed with your nanny ahead of time. You can’t assume that your nanny will just absorb new tasks and new responsibilities, especially if they impact a nanny’s normal working hours.
Nannies if you feel that something that started out as a favour, perhaps, is becoming part of your day-to-day role and that’s a change to the role, speak to the family early, before it becomes a big issue.
Communication is critical in these situations from both parties. It helps clear up confusion, avoid resentment and understand the other’s point of view. If you don’t have a regular meeting set-up to discuss matters, ask for one. You can talk at home, perhaps when the children are in bed or napping, or if you can go out for a coffee for some interruption-free time, then that would be a good idea too.
Both nanny and parent should go into these conversations with an open mind and open ears – listen to what’s being said to help understand the situation and find a solution.
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Nanny not meeting expectations
Another issue between nannies and families is them not meeting expectations or fulfilling their role according to the contract. This could be a nanny not arriving on time or asking to leave early and more worrying, perhaps they’re not looking after the children as you’d like or expect. Poor performance is a tricky one as sometimes families and nannies find it hard to confront the problem which leads to festering emotions and an unhappy home dynamic. If you’re not happy with a nanny’s performance then it has to be dealt with.
As long as your children are not at risk from your nanny’s behaviour then I would say that it’s good to be curious. Chatting to your nanny is a good way to find out what’s going on in their life as there could be circumstances in their home life which are affecting them in their job.
If there is something going on at home for the nanny, it doesn’t mean that you have to accept poor performance of their role, but it does give you the chance to work with them to find a solution. Acknowledge what they’re going through, explain that you’ve seen it impact their nannying because of X, Y and Z, and most importantly, be kind – what could you as a family do to help them through this time whilst they look after your family?
If after the chat, poor performance continues then keep checking in. Situations can change so it could be that they’re dealing with fresh challenges which are impacting performance.
Some nannies may need more guidance and direction when it comes to solving a problem. If there seems to be no reason for late arrival, for example, then you as an employer need to make it clear that you expect them to turn up for work at 8am. If the problem continues then you must emphasise the consequences and put it in an email so that the nanny understands how you’re feeling and the action you’ll take.
I would recommend documenting everything for your own records and then putting it in email or text for your nanny too. However, I would advise against initiating a performance chat over email or text – face to face is essential. The text or email is to summarise what was discussed for both of you.
If you think that your nanny’s behaviour is putting your children at risk then you should send them home immediately. I am always available to help in these situations.
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Payroll issues
Unless you understand the way nanny pay works I would advise you to leave payroll issues to the experts, especially if your nanny thinks there is a problem.
If your nanny comes to you with questions about their salary, make sure you take note of what they’re querying and then use the services provided by your nanny payroll company to resolve the query.
Pay is important so do take queries seriously and deal with them promptly.
These are three important topics which often crop up. I can’t stress enough how important the communication between nanny and family is, and also respect and kindness.
As always, if you have any questions either as a nanny or a family, I’m here to help. You might want to talk something through or need actual advice, just give me a call.