Nanny Myths
At East Green, when speaking to families who are looking to recruit a nanny for the first time, I hear a lot of ‘nanny myths.’ Nanny myths are incorrect ideas that people have about nannies, how they work and the actual work that they’ll do.
Here are four of the most common nanny myths and why I think they’re myth rather than fact. Let me know if you have any other questions!
Will my children socialise if we have a nanny?
Some families question me on whether their children will socialise with nanny childcare. They’re comparing having a nanny in the home to a childminder or nursery and I understand the question.
But it’s definitely a myth!
A nanny’s role is to care for your child and a critical part of that is introducing them to other children. This is how they learn how to behave in social settings and equips them with skills for school and life.
Nannies take children to age-appropriate baby and toddler groups where there are lots of children. There’s a group for every interest – music, dance, sport, crafts so there’s something for every child at every age. Nannies might meet up with other nannies in the park too, or at the house where the children can play together. Nannies love their jobs but it’s good for them to see other adults too.
And remember that unlike other settings, your children are receiving bespoke care with a nanny; when they’ve had enough, the nanny will realise that and do the right thing for your child.
Will my children see their nanny as mummy?
This is a very common question, and I see the concern on mothers’ faces as they ask. They don’t want to be replaced and rightly so! It is, indeed, another myth.
A nanny that works with your family for a long time does become a much-loved family member and, in some cases, may be seen as a third parent. A nanny is another figure of authority to provide structure and boundaries to a child’s life as well as love, stability and attention.
A nanny will never ask to be called ‘mum’ or ‘mummy’ – instead, you’ll all agree on a name (usually their first name) or a fond nickname may develop over time. A child may sometimes call their nanny ‘mummy’ by mistake but that really is just a mistake; your son or daughter will normally correct themselves and may even laugh at their own error.
But I know the concern is more than about a name. It’s the possibility that they’ll go to the nanny first if they fall over, that the nanny will hear about the drama at school first or praise their latest piece of art before Mum and Dad have seen it; or that they’ll wish for the nanny at the weekend or on holidays. In my experience, these things can happen, and it’s perfectly normal but it doesn’t impact the parent/child relationship.
Children understand the dynamics of family life with a nanny quickly. Parents will have built a strong relationship with their children, just as if they didn’t employ a nanny and this strong relationship will show the children who their parents are. A nanny is another adult role model and a strong nanny/child relationship can continue into adulthood.
Are nannies like housekeepers and will do housework?
Generally, nannies are not housekeepers. It’s normal that the contract (you must have a contract!) will say that the nanny will perform some household duties concerning the children known as nursery duties: for example, children’s laundry, tidying and cleaning their bedrooms and playroom, cooking for them.
However, you might agree with your nanny at the outset that they perform other tasks around the house. This must not be an assumption, though, and the family and the nanny should discuss it at the beginning of the relationship. They may request an increase in salary for the extra duties and as an employer, you have to realise that time spent on household chores, is time away from your child…. And caring for your child is why you employed them in the first place.
My third point on this is that some nannies will perform some light cleaning or laundry on an ad hoc basis. I know of nannies who gather up other family members’ laundry as they’re washing the child’s items anyway / the washing machine had space. As they’re vacuuming the child’s room, they may as well continue on the landing and into other rooms.
Some parents don’t like this as they just want the nanny to care for their child; some parents don’t like nannies going into, say, their bedroom to find laundry or vacuum as they see it as an invasion of privacy; some parents see it simply as a little ‘bonus’, say thank you but know not to rely on it. How ever you decide to react, make sure you communicate your feelings to your nanny in a respectful way. They were probably just trying to help.
Are nannies available whenever I need them?
As I’ve said, a nanny can become a beloved member of the family but it can be difficult for families to remember that they’re not at their ‘beck and call.’ That’s a definite myth!
As much as nannies love their job and the children they look after, it is a job. They have a life outside their role with plans for nights out and weekends, holidays and special times of year. They shouldn’t be expected to drop everything because you have a night out planned and don’t have a babysitter.
If you would like your nanny to care for your children in addition to the set hours outlined in their contract, it needs to be discussed in advance so that nannies can plan accordingly. They will want to know dates and times, expectations and pay. I say ‘expectations’ because if a nanny is doing some babysitting for you and that’s not in the contract, you can’t expect them to say, iron the children’s clothes while they’re at your house – unless you’re willing to pay for that too!
Of course, your nanny might be able to help you out occasionally in an emergency but I would recommend sitting down at the beginning of the month and going through plans to see if they’re available. If you know you’re away travelling and will need extra help, bring that up as far in advance as possible. You could write it into the contract that you have one Friday night’s babysitting each month or if you know you’re away with work often (and pay extra for that).
I hope that helps with any worries you might have about employing a nanny. If you have any other questions, I’m always here to answer them. I’ve been a nanny so I know what it’s like!
Hazel x