Parenting for 18years!
I find it hard to believe but on Christmas Day 2022, my son turned 18! I am now a mother of an adult! Those 18 years have flown by, but I started to reflect on what’s happened over those years and what tips I would like to pass on. So, here you are, some of what I’ve learned as a mother over the last 18 years.
The early years
When you’re in those early years, it’s difficult to imagine what life will be like in the future but I promise you that, on the whole, it is all just a phase. I know it’s annoying to hear that from your mother-in-law or know-it-all mum with older children (like me right now!) but it’s true. Those phases can be frustrating a lot of the time but just as you think you’ve figured it out, you’ll start a new one and you’re back to the beginning. Just go with it as much as you can and know that this cycle continues forever!
Whatever ‘bad’ habits you and your baby might start, they can all be fixed. Some will be harder than others to remedy but keep at the back of your mind, for example, that it’s impossible they’ll still be sharing a bed with you at 18! Habits will come and go. Try to create positive routines that benefit both you and baby, of course, but no parent is perfect and sometimes, you just have to go with what works in order to get through the day.
Think about the ‘feeling’ that you’re creating for your child. I say feeling rather than memories because they’re not going to remember much from years 1-4 but they will remember the general feeling that surrounded them. A parent being there for them; a house of play time; security; reliability; cuddles; feeling loved – all of these contribute to a ‘happy’ childhood. Don’t stress about the impact on your child if you think you work too much, just make sure that, when you can, you’re creating a good feeling in your household.
School days
School days bring some relief as you know that they’re occupied for several hours a day. They also bring challenges though with friendships, schoolwork and as they mature, the dreaded phone usage!
You’re very lucky if your child keeps the same friends throughout their schooling, it’s rare, so be prepared for friendship phases. Besties and falling outs happen on an almost weekly basis, especially with girls and you rapidly will become a friendship counsellor! Boys tend to resolve things quicker but that doesn’t mean that they’re not affected by what’s gone on – it’s just that on the surface they look as though they’re ok.
Remember that even children can have stuff going on at school which might influence their behaviour at home, and as parents, we don’t always know the full story. As with nannies, communication is key so make sure that your children have opportunities to chat to you about friendships. Listening is important as is validating what they’re feeling even if you don’t agree with them. Personal anecdotes of friendships at school can help children feel less alone and your advice (rarely well received, though!) will help them.
Homework can be a source of arguments especially when Snapchat is so much more entertaining. You’re lucky if you have a child who wants to knuckle down and do the work. If that’s not your child, then good habits from a young age are helpful. That might be starting homework straight after dinner in the same place each evening, no device usage in the week or until all homework is done, or maybe if you have work to do, creating a routine whereby you work side-by-side (but you do need to be available to provide help or chat!).
As for phone usage, I’m no expert and I don’t know many parents who are. There are lots of resources out there to help you with limiting time and the like, but many children don’t feel trusted when those limits are put in place. I would try to encourage that everyone (including you!) leaves their phones downstairs at bedtime (or maybe all the time?) as otherwise, it can be just too tempting to check it!
Teenager in the house
William has been a great teenager but that doesn’t mean that we haven’t had our ups and downs. Communication and availability of me and my husband have been really important in keeping these years as smooth as possible. During this time, we’ve provided a lot of advice on friendships, school decisions (which GCSEs, A-Levels or college) and careers, and let’s face it, like most parents, we’re not really qualified!
So, there’s been a lot of looking back on what we did, advice we were given that worked and really looking at our son as an individual and helping him. We have tried hard to let William be William and not project our own hopes and dreams onto him. We kept his happiness and fulfilment at the forefront of our minds and not necessarily a huge salary.
I’m not saying that we’re model parents. Mistakes have been made because, as we all know, there’s no manual on parenting! But we’re very proud of the adult we’ve created.
It goes without saying that a nanny can help with all of this. Here are some ways:
- When you have a tiny baby, a nanny is another pair of hands, especially when a partner returns to work.
- A nanny is less emotionally involved which can be really helpful when you are despairing as to what to do with a screaming baby or toddler. They can take over and allow you to take a few deep breaths.
- A nanny can help with the school run and sometimes children will talk to a nanny more than they’ll talk to their parents. A nanny can reinforce messages from you whilst appearing as an ‘independent advisor.’
- A nanny can add to the ‘feelings’ of childhood and become another member of the family (this doesn’t mean replacement parent!)
- A nanny can be another role model for the children to look up to.
- A nanny can help to create positive habits in the home around homework, snacking, device time and is less likely to be swayed when the begging or resistance starts!
The time goes by so quickly so do try to enjoy it! Whenever I’ve worried about having my own business and working, I’ve reminded myself that I’m being a good role model and tried to be around in the evenings.
And remember that a child isn’t just for 18 years but for life so let’s see what the next 18 bring!
Hazel x
If you’d like to discuss a nanny for your family, please give me a call on 01732 838417 or 07778 923 400.